we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
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I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
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Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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