i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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