so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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