If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
i out mim tonsoeep
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