Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
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He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
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we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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