i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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