I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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