Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
