ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
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