i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
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There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
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If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
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