My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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