The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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