I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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