your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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