No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
