your room smells of hookers.
And success
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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