So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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