Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Blood and glitter go together right?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
