So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
