I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
they need to just BURY HIM!
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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