you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
