did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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