my phone needs a breathalizer
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Randomize
