Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
