mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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