I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
