Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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