Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
