I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
