she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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