So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
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At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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