It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
