Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
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I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
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But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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