i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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