She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
