his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
