I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
