Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
