Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They took my balls.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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