I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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