is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
