if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
