I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
