I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
