the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
So. Much. Porn.
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