i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Randomize
