i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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