They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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