you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
COCAINE IS GR8
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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