so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
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I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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