I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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