my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
