I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
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I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
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I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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