honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
