I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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