just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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