just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
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