my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
