i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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