Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
