I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
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My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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